On Unfrogworthiness

Sometimes frogging is just too good for a project. Frogging suggests that there's something about it that is worth saving so you're willing to spend that extra few minutes in ripping and rewinding the yarn. But a truly toxic project is not frogworthy. You just want to get it out of your sight, into the trash somewhere, as far from your Healthy Knitting Quarters as it can be. Outdoors would be ideal. This time I have selected the laundry room as my disposal site. Having already done this week's laundry I won't have to set eyes on this thing until next Monday.

The project was really not so ill-conceived. I had printed a pattern for a baby sweater from some website or other. I think it might have been Knitting On The Net. Will confirm this if ever an FO results. It called for worsted weight yarn so I thought it was the perfect project for some ultracheap acrylic I had picked up at a charity group meeting.

There is a reason such yarn is ultracheap, and that reason is as follows: it is absolute misery to work with, and I imagine it would be living hell to wear. The evil yarn in this case is called Mainstays. I think (I hope, please God) it has been discontinued, and I believe it was a house brand at Wal-Mart. Yes, if I understand correctly this is the stuff that undercut Red Heart.

The pattern was cute enough to keep me knitting though I cursed this horrible yarn all the way through. I felt terribly guilty that I might be playing a part in forcing a baby to wear it. There was a matching hat that I had decided not to make because I couldn't stand to think of this evil stuff on a soft little head.

Before I knew it the sweater was almost finished. I was knitting the ribbed neckband, maybe three rows left to go, when I noticed that I had messed up the garter stitch button band. I cannot explain it, I can handle lace but I have such a gift for screwing up garter stitch. I tried to drop the stitches down, made a little bit of a mess, got a teeny bit frustrated, and then stopped myself. Why the hell was I bothering? This thing was hell to knit, would be hell to wear, and it might be put on a person who would not be able to defend itself against it.

There was no point in frogging a dollar's worth of really bad clearance yarn. By now it was carrying all kinds of bad vibes anyway. So I ripped my needles out of the few remaining stitches and stuffed the whole mess into the laundry room trash, where even the mice will be smart enough to keep their distance.

I have started the same pattern again in Cottontots. It might work, it might not, but at least it's soft and I won't feel like a medieval dungeonmaster creating a new instrument of torture.